-To study, learn and meditate more and more deeply on God’s word.

-To grow a deeper theological understanding.

-To pray, and really pray.

-To give more of myself (time, money, energy, emotionally).

-To grow and strengthen the relationships that I have, and to begin new ones.

-Get closer to becoming the woman that God wants for me to be.

-To gain a deeper skill-set and love for photography.

-To read twenty-five books (once the list is completed, I will share).

-To purify my life (i.e;  music, movies, television, conversations, etc, that are keeping me from becoming closer to God).

-To stand firm on the word of God; to trust in Jesus alone.

These goals that I have set for myself are things that have been on my heart for quite some time, I guess I just felt like the new year was a good time acknowledge and apply them.

“People don’t enjoy salt. They enjoy what is salted. We are the salt of the earth. We do not exist for ourselves.”- John Piper.

“For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever.”

This book has been such an encouragement and uplifter for me! It revealed a lot of my sin but it also revealed so much of my hearts desire to be a wise woman seeking Jesus Christ!

Book Blog Conclusion: Happily Ever After.

We had spaghetti at community group last night and from the looks of it, Benjamin really enjoyed himself!

My purposes for this blog have changed over the past months. I originally created this blog to simply, share; share my thoughts, my desires, my dreams and my ideas. While I am still wanting to do and share those things, I feel like the purpose of doing so has changed. I am feeling a tremendous calling to be a light to young women who are or around my age. I feel like being a twenty-something girl in modern society, is a difficult challenge, to say the least. There are so many people telling young women who to be, what to do, who to date, what to wear and even how much they should weigh. I have felt this pressure barreling down on me at times. It will be a lifetime of struggle to try and overcome what society  is pushing so forcefully into my head, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and it is burning bright.

I have struggled a lot with what I should do with my life. I feel like this statement is so mundane, but I don’t know how else to say it. I had a great opportunity being handed to me, one that could support me and take me to newer and greater opportunities, but it wasn’t right. There were times when I tried to ignore the overwhelming inclination that this choice wasn’t the best for me, but it didn’t work. I decided to audit a class at Multnomah University this semester and step-down from my position; I decided to give it over to God and follow what he wants me to do. As soon as I made this decision, my eyes were opened; they were opened to my hearts desires and also to my incredulous sin of pride. I realized what I want to spend my life doing; living, loving, serving, giving, all for the glory of Jesus Christ.

As I enter into new seasons of my life, I am not sure what to anticipate. To every thing, there is a season and my desire is for this blog is to share the struggles, joys and desires of a young, single, Christian woman, trying to shed light in an overwhelmingly secular society.

It would be an understatement if I referred to the last year as a struggle. For the first time in my entire life I have felt true internal struggle. I have had such a difficult time pealing back the layers of my own skin to try to discover what lies beneath. I have spent the latter part of the year trying to create some persona for myself, some identifiable “thing”  that would somehow make me more. Although, I am not quite sure what I was trying to be more of. Maybe I was trying to compete with all of the friends that I grew up with who were graduating college, or maybe I was comparing my life to the lives of the married couples I am friends with, or maybe I was just trying to like myself more. Whatever it was, I was searching in the wrong places.

When I was younger, life was a lot simpler. I didn’t have to worry about many things and life was a lot more care-free. Actually, life was mostly like that until one exact moment this past April. I remember the moment so vividly, it was almost as if time stood still and I felt a sudden jolt of panic press through my entire being.  All of the sudden the things that once made sense, no longer did.  The pain that was taking over me was so difficult because I could not find any tangible thing that had provoked me to feel this way. So, I began to search for something to take the responsibility and became consumed with the fear that I was always going to feel the way that I was. I became embarrassed of myself and refused to let anyone know that this is what I was experiencing because I didn’t want anyone to look at me different.

The only thing that made sense to me, was Jesus Christ. So, I held on and I held on as tightly as I could. I ran towards him and threw myself into his arms and became completely consumed. I began to realize that through everything, God is teaching me something. I have always heard it and even said it, but I don’t think that I have ever really believed it until now. The past year has really brought me to a good place in my Christian faith; I have learned that life is a constant growth, I have learned the importance of constant prayer, I have really embraced the beauty of community, and most importantly, I have learned to trust in my Savior, Jesus Christ, with my whole being.

Now, on with the race….

]]> http://loudashope.wordpress.com/2010/08/02/73/feed/ 0 loudashope 2 23 20080108_0173 19 13 20080107_0034 20080107_0033 20080108_0095 20080108_0177 21 http://loudashope.wordpress.com/2010/07/24/60/ http://loudashope.wordpress.com/2010/07/24/60/#comments Sat, 24 Jul 2010 03:50:58 +0000 Megan McCarley-Cunningham http://loudashope.wordpress.com/?p=60 ]]> The past month has really been a discovering period for me. Mainly, discovering myself and the things that I enjoy. A few months back I really started to get into photography and began to see things different than I had seen them before. After some time of thinking (and saving) I bought myself a Canon Rebel XS! I got it a few days ago and I have had so much fun trying to get used to it. I have only taken practice shots, mainly on family and close friends. I am really hoping to get better at it and see where it takes me!

I have heard a lot of people reflect on their twenty-somethings and say that it was a difficult time. That they didn’t know who they were or what they were doing. I have always thought that this was something that would never happen to me and that I always had it “figured out.” However, God has humbled me a lot.  Weaknesses have been revealed that I didn’t even know I had. I can truly say, for the first time, I am very thankful for the season that I am in.  I am very thankful for this opportunity to grow into a woman of God.

I have been a devoted Christian for one year.  In April of 2009, God started to do work in my heart. I came up to Portland to visit my brothers and my sisters-in-law. I tried to keep these trips as short as possible and as infrequent as possible. There was a tendency for my brother’s to try to persuade me to live in Portland and I often felt targeted as the “problem child” while visiting and I just didn’t think this to be the case. For as long as I can remember my parents would defend any of my negative actions with “she’s a good girl,” “she gets good grades” or “she’s not making the same mistakes that Matthew and Tyler made.” I actually believed these excuses to be legitimate for the incredulous decisions that I was making. This trip was different though, this trip changed me. I can remember having a discussion with my family in my brother’s living room. The conversation wasn’t even that heavy, but I couldn’t take it anymore and I began to weep. Uncontrollably I wept, as my family, almost uncomfortably, tried to console me. Then my brother, Matthew, lead me outside. I remember it being cold and the tears on my cheek stung my chapped face. He asked me, “what’s wrong?” “I need something different, I can’t do this anymore. This is not what I want. I need Jesus.” The words surprised me even as I said them. I thought that I had Jesus, I thought that going to church several times a year and proclaiming “Christian” on my Facebook, somehow meant that I had Jesus. My brother held me. For several minutes, he held me on the street corner and he told me that Jesus is waiting for me. The next few months were difficult. I began to long for a relationship with my Father and began to despise the life that I was living. I was living a very selfish and greedy life. I lived for myself in every moment. I did what I wanted to do, whenever I wanted to do it. I didn’t think about the consequence of any of my actions, I would just think up a lie after it was all said and done. I didn’t know how to start over. I had established a life that I was no longer comfortable living. So I went on living my life, I went on doing the things that I knew were wrong because they were easier than doing what was right. That is, until last June. I was sitting outside of the dentist office waiting for my appointment. Nothing provoked me, the radio was off, I was sitting alone, and I began to sob. It now made sense to me. I called out to Jesus and I prayed for him to take control of my life. I called my brother and told him that I wanted to move to Portland, that I wanted to focus my life around God and that I didn’t think I was strong enough to do it in Las Vegas. The following four months were a whirl wind, I spent a lot of time in my room reading and praying. I lost a lot of friends and things were rough, but I knew what God was calling me to do, so I had no reservations.

On October 12th my Mom and I left Las Vegas and began on the 1300 mile drive to Portland.  On October 14th we arrived and my life has been completely different since that day. I attended the Gathering on October 18th for the first time. Everyone was so welcoming to me, all of the nerves that I had walking into the building were immediately alleviated. On November 21st, the Vandemeer family opened up their home (and their hot tub) for my baptism. So many people came to rejoice with me, and it is still overwhelming. My walk with Christ is growing stronger with everyday. My passion for learning, loving, living for the glory of Jesus Christ is only beginning. The past ten months of my life have been incredible. I have never felt so loved, blessed, encouraged and supported then I do right now. I am so blessed to have so many wonderful people in my life and to know the all mighty, all-powerful and all loving Redeemer, Jesus Christ. I praise God for bringing me to the Gathering.